Breaking the news of getting “separated” from your kids is probably the most disheartening thing. It is already a difficult and overwhelming scenario to deal with on your own. The involvement of kids makes this process even tougher and emotionally draining.
From the perspective of kids, watching their parents getting divorced is a rollercoaster of emotions. It creates confusion, sadness, fear, and whatnot.
Obviously, this decision is very big and must have been taken after trying every measure to save the relationship. However, it could be hard for children to understand the same. Therefore, it becomes your responsibility to help them go through this process as easily as possible.
Here’s how you can do it!
- Figure Out How To Break This News To Your Kids
How you break the news of divorce will have a direct and significant impact on your kids. Therefore, both the parents need to think this through to come up with the least painful solution. Moreover, it would also be better if you had your emotions under control while telling the news.
For this, you should try to practice the news beforehand at least 3-4 times. It’ll help you stay strong and attend to your child’s emotions. Plus, practicing will give you an idea of how long or short the news needs to be.
Note: As you might already know, child custody or guardianship is also a significant part of the divorce process. That means, sooner or later, you and your children have to interact with your divorce lawyer for a consultation. Therefore, it would be in the best interest of all to break the news as soon as possible.
- Keep The Conflict Level Low
Divorce can stir up a range of emotions, specifically resentment, rage, and annoyance. While it is very normal to feel all these emotions, it is also essential for parents to know what and what not to say in front of their children.
It does not mean that you shouldn’t speak up for yourself or put your feelings aside. Instead, it means you need to divide these feelings and share them with the right person. It could be your close friends or a therapist.
Venting out your feelings somewhere else will ensure that you stay peaceful around your kids. It will make the whole change a little bit easier for your baby.
Not to mention, working through your emotions will also help you set up healthy boundaries with your spouse. And, it will also help you throughout the court proceeding.
- Don’t Talk About Emotional Topics Around Children.
Getting separated does not mean you need to stop talking with your spouse. It will make things very harder for your child. Therefore, whenever your child is around you, you should try to make everything look as normal as possible. Try to start a conversation as you usually do. However, DO AVOID the sensitive topics that might turn emotional or create tension in the room.
For instance, do not talk about the reason behind getting separated or divorce proceedings. Such topics might create unnecessary stress for the kids. Also, these topics are meant to be discussed privately. So be careful of what you talk about around them.
- Show Your Child That You Are Here For Them.
Together or not, you still will be the parent of your child and have to fulfill your responsibilities. No matter what the scenario is, you need to show your children that you love them. And are here for them at every stage of life.
In fact, the presence of both parents in a child’s life becomes even more crucial during this phase. Therefore, you must try your best to keep the atmosphere at home as normal as possible. Plus, make sure to do a regular check-in with them. Ask them if they are struggling, listen to them if they are ranting or venting out their feelings.
Just be there for them, give them comfort and pay attention to their emotional well-being.
- Participate In Activities Together
Show your kids that they are your priority and will always be. One way to do so is by participating in activities together. You might or might not be living together. But, you can take some time out of your day to spend it with them. Likewise, you both can go to their sports day or plan a birthday party.
We understand that it might get a bit awkward for you. However, if it’s for your children, you need to make an effort. Believe it or not, your little efforts will make things more comfortable for everyone. Plus, it can also help make all the legal proceedings easier.
- Find Some Common Grounds
When the separation proceedings begin, you might find it hard to have something in common with your partner. On the contrary, you might begin to resent the things which never really bothered you. Not having a common ground can create tension between you and your partner. This tension can further lead to unnecessary arguments and stress in front of your kids.
Needless to say, you don’t want that. Therefore, you both have to figure out a common ground. For instance, it could be your kids. Obviously, you both want the best for them. So, whenever tension arises, think about your children and try to calm down.
Also, having a common ground will ensure that a positive and pleasant atmosphere is maintained in the house or at least in front of your kids. Thus, everything will work out more smoothly.
In fact, you can also take help from an attorney to help find common ground, which gives everyone room to breathe and release the stress related to change. Nevertheless, make sure that you make your children comfortable with the “Idea” of change before implementing a sudden change. It will make things much more manageable.
To Sum It All Up!
All these tips will help make the divorce procedure and all the changes somewhat easier for your child. In fact, you can also consider taking counselling with your kids to help things get back on track. Nevertheless, whether divorced or not, make sure to stay by the side of your children at every step.